How to Make a Truly Horrible Website
Good design, CSS, and web standards?
Don't worry about that.
They are unnecessary extra steps that take up extra time, when you could be doing other things?
Simply follow these steps, and you'll be on your way to creating a fantastic website like the talented web designers at MySpace and the former GeoCities?
Use Tons Of Flash
Or better yet, use only Flash. What's the point of it existing if we're not going to use it, right? Don't worry about people who don't have it installed. If you don't have Flash installed, you really need to get with the times.
Tell Your Users to "Click Here"
Telling users to "Click Here" has been proven to get more clicks. But be careful, because you only want them to click to your own site. You don't want your users to ever leave your site, do you?
Mix Up the Fonts
Plenty of variety is good for a site. A bit of Helvetica here, some Comic Sans there, and we're on our way to a killer design! It just needs a bit of Papyrus, with that and Comic Sans embedded with
@font-face, to please the poor souls who happen to not have those fonts installed.
Make Your Content Unreadable
Use yellow text on a white background for your main content, font sizes as small as you can get, and a crazy combination of fonts. And don't forget ALL CAPS, because the fact that the letters are all the same height can help to reduce your site's readability even more.
You don't want anyone to hotlink and pretty much steal your images from you, right? Do your visitors a big favour and keep them out of trouble in the future by disabling right-clicking, so that they can't get the image URLs to steal.
Just remember to make sure that you include an annoying dialogue box pop up every time they right-click, to be sure to train them to never do that again.
Don't Use Whitespace
Why waste extra space? Users hate having to scroll down, and by eliminating all whitespace, you can pack all of your information above the fold.
HavenWorks, one of the greatest news sources in the world, seems to get this one right.
Hide the Navigation
Hide your page's navigation, to make them frustrated. In that frustration, they will take more time to try to read your unreadable content, and will actually spend some time trying to decipher what you're trying to say. Of course for that to happen, you'll need to follow the above tip to make your content absolutely unreadable.
Keep your users guessing. I guarantee that they will find it fun to have to find the navigation bar over and over again on each page. It's like an easter egg hunt!
Write For Search Engines
Be sure to fill up your content with tons of keywords, even to the point where it is useless. After all, what is the point of having good content for your users if nobody can even find your site?
If something on your page isn't moving, it probably isn't that important, is it? Having tons of animations, from marquees to GIFs of mice waving their hand to you will make your site more fun, which will greatly help your site appeal more to the "younger crowd".
Take Some Time To Load
Plus, waiting for a site to load even gives me some time to play a few games while waiting.
Show Off All Of Your Awards
Don't have any awards? Don't worry, just make them up. Nobody will know.
Make sure to include awards that are actually believable, such as "Bob's Website Of the Week", "Best Design 1995", not something like "#1 Ranked Website, Even Higher Than Google".
Make Your Site Available Only In Internet Explorer
We all love our favourite browser, Internet Explorer so much that we should force the crazy users of other browsers to see why IE is so awesome. Even better, force them to use version 6 or earlier, to give our users that nice "retro" feel.
You can see that it is quite easy to make a good website, but it takes some actual work to make a bad one. Do you have any more tips on making bad websites? Be sure to leave your response in the comments.